


Christmas Cookbook

by Bootsncatz (bootsncatz), orphan_account



Series: What A Lovely Way To Burn [2]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: (Almost) No murdery feelings (except in passing), 50's, Christmas Fluff, F/F, Holiday Cookbook, WayHaught Fluff, vintage food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 10:01:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21721426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bootsncatz/pseuds/Bootsncatz, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Waverly rings in the season with a cool modern take on ice cream, and Nicole can't resist just a little taste.
Relationships: Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, Wynonna Earp/Xavier Dolls
Series: What A Lovely Way To Burn [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1565548
Comments: 61
Kudos: 293
Collections: Home for the (WayHaught) Holidays





	1. Holiday Chicken Mousse

Nicole ran her fine paint brush around a tiny wooden streetlight, smiling to herself as the soothing strains of Sam Cooke played on her tiny transistor radio. She glanced at the Philco, admiring its seafoam case and marveling at such a feat of engineering. Waverly had given it to her as a “just because” gift, and she treasured it. Returning her attention to her task, she painted in glass panes in the lantern portion and tiny rings around the base. She blew lightly on the piece to hasten the drying.

Two weeks prior, Waverly had stood with her hands on her hips in front of the floor to ceiling glass windows in their living room, a fire crackling in the fireplace against the damp December chill, and declared their decor to be “positively spare”. Nicole wasn’t sure whether that was a complaint or a compliment; after all they’d decorated this home together not even a year ago, but Waverly soon made it clear that she intended to decorate for the holidays this Christmas. 

“You know, you could just dress up as a sexy Mrs. Claus and fill  _ my _ holiday with cheer,” Nicole had quipped, earning herself a blush and a slap on the arm from Waverly. She’d pulled Waverly close, admiring the sunset framing her face like a halo, and traced a deliberate finger over her lips, over the curve of her chin, and down into the hollow of Waverly’s throat. Waverly sighed and curled her hand into the waistband of Nicole’s trousers, dipping her head then looking up at Nicole with dark, liquid eyes. 

“Baby,” she murmured, tipping up onto her toes so that her breath ghosted over Nicole’s lips. Nicole’s breath hitched and she leaned in, humming as Waverly laid the lightest of kisses on her lips. The grip Waverly held on Nicole’s waistband twisted, pulling the fabric tighter against Nicole, and she groaned. Her hands slid around Waverly’s waist, bringing their bodies flush. “Baby,” Waverly whispered again, her free hand trailing across Nicole’s chest, fingertip stroking over a hardening nipple, and Nicole could hear the blood rushing south in her ears. “Wynonna and Xavier and Alice Michelle are coming. You’ll make me some holiday decorations, right? Just a few small Christmas things?” 

And that was how Nicole found herself putting the finishing touches on the seventy-seventh structure in the tiny Christmas village she’d built by hand, in record speed, over a ten day period. She set the little lamp down next to the candy store, its simple boxy structure ornamented with a snowy roof and tiny painted jars of penny candy in the window. 

At first Waverly had complained about being banished from the workshop, after appearing at the door with hot sandwiches the first night and suffering the indignation of Nicole’s hand snaking out to grab a sandwich and the door shutting quickly in her face. But she soon got into the Christmas spirit, telling Nicole that two could play at that game and to stay out of her kitchen. 

Which Nicole had done. Gladly. Why complain about being cooked for, especially when she was this busy, and anyhow, Waverly was the better cook. 

Admiring her work, Nicole shivered and pulled her coat collar up around her ears. Even in Malibu the temperature could drop in the winter, especially when the fog rolled in from the ocean, and the workshop’s small space heater was barely sufficient in the late evening hours. She blew on her fingers to warm them a little, then gently packed the little houses and trees away into a crate, layering a blanket over it to better conceal it just in case Waverly came snooping. She could already imagine the tiny village displayed along their mantle, a beefy hunk of coastal redwood nearly twelve feet long that Nicole had planed by hand and set deep into the wall. Maybe some candles or Christmas lights would illuminate it. Either way, she just knew Waverly would love it. 

Nicole closed up her workshop and shoved her cold hands into her coat, taking brisk steps up to the house and hustling inside. The fire was going strong, the heat tangible even close to the front door, thanks to their open floor plan. She hung her coat in the closet by the front door. Nicole’s stomach growled but she could hear Waverly’s typewriter keys clacking away in her office and she knew better than to interrupt her wife when she was writing. 

_ You stay out of my kitchen _ , Waverly had told her with a boop on the nose.  _ I’m creating masterpieces for our Christmas dinner and I want everything to be a surprise.  _

Nicole stood there for a moment. She picked up a magazine from the side table and thumbed through it idly, trying to decide if she could just wait for Waverly’s permission to go into the kitchen. An advertisement caught her eye, two women hovering over their husbands in a festive looking living room. 

“Celebrate The Holidays And Beyond With This Virile Elixir,'' the ad proclaimed, “It’s made in two stirs. Cadbury’s Drinking Chocolate”. Nicole’s mouth watered and her traitorous stomach growled again. The hot chocolate was in the cupboard, that had to be a safe zone. And Nicole knew for certain that she’d seen Waverly with their brand new Alaska Freezer ice cream maker. If she was lucky she could sneak a spoonful into her chocolate...and maybe make one for Waverly also as a treat. 

Decided, Nicole strode into the kitchen. She’d just open the icebox just fast enough to pull out the bottle of milk, there, and then the chocolate from the cupboard. In no time she had milk warming in a saucepan and a measure of chocolate in two thick mugs. Nicole mixed up the cocoa and put away the ingredients, then dug around in the pantry for marshmallows, tossing a couple into Waverly’s cup.

Nicole pulled open the freezer door then grinned, hissing out a  _ yes _ . The ice cream bucket was in there, as she’d hoped. She peered into it: a yellowish ice cream lay within. Probably French Vanilla, Nicole surmised. She helped herself to a heaping spoonful in her cup, dropping the spoon into the sink, then collected the cups and headed down the hall to Waverly’s office. 

Nicole paused in the living room, appraising the liquor cart for just a moment before adding a splash of whiskey into both cups. Pleased with herself, she continued to Waverly’s door, where a lull in the typing suggested this might be a good time for a break. Nicole leaned her ear close to the door and heard Waverly muttering to herself within.

“Waves,” she called, “Waverly?”

“Come in,” Waverly answered, and Nicole transferred the mugs to one hand so that she could open the door. Waverly was seated at her desk, a pile of papers scattered across it and her little desk lamp casting a glow over the work area. A discarded plate sat to the side, evidence of Waverly’s habit of writing straight through the day when the muse struck her. She blinked owlishly at Nicole, almost looking annoyed at being interrupted. 

“I’m sorry to bother you, baby,” Nicole said, “but I made us some cocoa. It got cold out there in the shop and I was hungry but I promise, I didn’t go in the fridge further than to grab out the milk!” She delivered Waverly’s mug to her and watched for a moment as Waverly sipped deeply, her eyes squinting shut in pleasure as she hunched her shoulders around the warmth and sweetness of the chocolate and alcohol. 

Nicole stood hesitantly in the doorway until Waverly’s head snapped up. “Oh! It’s fine, Nic, you want to sit for a minute? I’m just making such good progress on ‘The Pearl Diver of Her Heart’.” Waverly’s eyes sparkled mischievously. “I have created a new meaning for skin diver,” she pronounced, with a wiggle of her eyebrows. 

Nicole flushed hot, leaning in to her own cup and busying herself with a long sip. Now was not the time to think about Waverly’s skin, or diving into it in any way. Not even if she looked so good at that desk, hair mussed from repeatedly running her hands through it, a pencil tucked into the bun at the back of her head, her neck long as she stretched it to the side... 

The hot liquid slid into Nicole’s mouth, saturating her every sense. She gagged, eyes wide, and slapped a hand over her mouth. Nicole hastened to put the cup down, slamming it onto Waverly’s desk, chocolate sloshing everywhere. 

“Hey!” Waverly shouted, indignant. 

Nicole heaved, shaking her head and looking wildly about her until she spotted the trash can in the corner. She knelt before it and spit the mouthful into the basket, splattering crumpled papers and Waverly’s rug with chocolate and foamy spittle. 

“Nicole,” Waverly cried, worry tingeing her tone. “Oh my god, are you okay? Did you burn yourself?” 

Nicole managed to get control of herself, but the horrid taste still coated her tongue. 

“The milk,” she gasped, “it’s bad or something.” She scraped her tongue over her teeth, spitting into the can again. 

Waverly peered doubtfully into her cup. “Mine tastes fine.” She held the cup out to Nicole. “You want to try it?”

Nicole shook her head, clearing her throat hard. She looked into her cup, where the ice cream still sat, oddly unmelted and almost beige in the incandescent light of Waverly’s office. Nicole prodded the lump of frozen cream, watching it bob in the remains of her cocoa. 

“Maybe the ice cream?” she muttered, then looked up at Waverly. “Didn’t you just make this ice cream?” 

Waverly’s eyes widened and her mouth shaped itself into a perfect “o” of shock. 

“Nicole,” she said, her voice slow and deliberate. “There’s a reason I told you not to get into anything in the kitchen. That’s not ice cream: it’s mousse.” 

Nicole looked hard at the offending item. “Well there’s something wrong with it.” She sniffed it. Nicole’s stomach made a violent movement and the sour taste of bile rose in her throat again. She wrinkled her nose and moved the cup as far as she could from herself.

Waverly’s body shook with silent laughter as she walked to Nicole and reached out, putting her palms flat on Nicole’s cheeks. “Baby, I’m so sorry, I was trying out the cookbook recipes that came with the ice cream maker, and you just got to be the first to try my Holiday Chicken Mousse. A special treat for Christmas dinner, just...maybe not with cocoa next time.” 

####  Holiday Chicken Mousse

2 cups chicken, chopped fine 

1 cup chicken stock 

2 cups heavy cream 

1 tablespoon powdered gelatine 

1 teaspoon salt 

1/4 teaspoon black pepper 

1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper 

1/8 teaspoon nutmeg 

1 tablespoon cold water 

Chop chicken to almost a paste and press it through a sieve. Season with salt, peppers, and nutmeg. Heat chicken stock and add gelatine which has been softened in the cold water, mix with chicken. Whip cream and add. Freeze in an ice cream maker.

  
  
  



	2. Pineapple Mayo Yule Log

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly's Christmas recipe experimentations continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I saw this recipe...I knew I had to write it in...

Waverly slipped her brand new Christmas apron over her head, smoothing it down the front of her butter yellow dress. She looked down at the picture of a fat baby in a Santa hat holding a tiny tree. The apron was lined with lace and had little bells sewn into it.

“Like my apron?” Waverly asked, giving herself a little twirl to show it off. 

“You’re just going to get it messed up,” Nicole said, distracted as she carefully set up her Christmas village on their mantel. Waverly fixed Nicole with a look, hands on her hips, and waited for Nicole to look up from where she was very delicately placing some fake snow over a roof. Brown eyes flickered up to her and Nicole smiled awkwardly. “I mean...it’s cute.”

Waverly brightened instantly. “Thank you!” She went over to Nicole and kissed her quickly before heading back into the kitchen. “Put on a Christmas record!”

Waverly pulled the yellow package of Mexican drinking chocolate that Rosita had told her try out of the cabinet, breaking a wedge off of the disk and putting it in a saucepan with some milk to melt. Waverly was excited to taste it and knew Nicole was still a little traumatized by the chicken mousse situation, so maybe a different kind of hot chocolate would help.

Pouring the finished product into two festive mugs, Waverly added a splash of coffee liquor before carrying a cup out for Nicole. The low, soothing sounds of Bing Crosby singing Christmas tunes poured from their record player in the corner and Waverly found herself humming along.

“Here, baby,” Waverly said. She set the cup down on the coffee table behind where Nicole was working. Nicole looked warily over her shoulder at the mug. “It’s the Mexican hot chocolate that Rosita sent us.”

“No chicken?” Nicole said, narrowing her eyes at the cup.

“No chicken,” Waverly said, lifting herself up on her tiptoes and kissing Nicole’s cheek. “Now I’m making dinner, so stay out of my kitchen please. It’s a recipe I’m trying out for when everyone is here.”

“Okay, babe,” Nicole said, before taking a sip of the chocolate and moaning. “Fuck that’s good.”

Waverly just chuckled to herself and went over to where all her ingredients were laid out. Miracle Whip, check. Pineapples, check. Then she had her maraschino cherries, almonds and whipped cream ready to go on the side. She folded together everything but the pineapples and used an old coffee can to layer the cream mixture, then a slice of pineapple, over and over until it reached the top of the can. Satisfied, she stuck it in the freezer and set her timer for an hour. 

She smiled to herself at the ease of the recipe and looked down at her apron. There was maraschino cherry juice splashed on the front. 

“Dammit.”

“Well that’s no way for a lady to talk,” Nicole joked as she walked into the kitchen with her empty coffee mug and a wry smile. 

Waverly raised an eyebrow at her. “I told you to stay out of my kitchen.”

Nicole hummed. “But I missed you.”

She backed Waverly up against the counter, hands gripping the counter on either side of her so that she couldn’t escape. Waverly felt a low heat of excitement in her veins as she looked up at Nicole through her lashes. Putting a hand on her chest and feigning like she was pushing Nicole away, Waverly pouted.

“Well you can miss me from out there.”

“Why, when you’re right here?” Nicole said, leaning down and placing hot open mouthed kisses along the column of Waverly’s neck. 

Unable to help herself, Waverly tipped her head back so Nicole had more access to her neck as she grabbed her collar in her fist.

“Nicky,” Waverly breathed, one hand tangling in the hair at the back of Nicole’s skull.

“What is it, baby?” Nicole whispered in her ear as she ran her tongue, hot and slick, against the shell of her ear.

Waverly groaned and protested weakly. “You’re not supposed to be in here.”

“Fine, then I’ll leave,” Nicole said, pulling away slightly but not moving. Waverly had to hold back a whine as her eyes fluttered back open and she looked up at Nicole. 

“You’re insufferable,” Waverly said, stomping her foot a little hoping it would bring up some anger instead of the insistent arousal pumping through her veins. Waverly couldn’t look at Nicole’s smirk anymore, so she looked behind her at the bowl on the counter and dipped her finger into it, collecting some of the whipped cream and Miracle Whip mixture on the end. She bopped Nicole’s nose with it, leaving some of the white mix on her nose.

“Hey!” Nicole said, going cross eyed as she tried to look at it.

Waverly laughed as Nicole tried to get it with her tongue. “Stop. Here.” Waverly scraped it back off her nose with her finger, slipping the digit into her mouth as she tasted it, and watching Nicole’s eyes zero in on her lips. “Pretty good.”

“Let me try,” Nicole said, voice low.

She dipped her finger back into the bowl and came out with a healthy dollop on her finger, holding it out for Nicole to taste. Still maintaining eye contact, Nicole leaned forward to take half of Waverly’s finger between her lips. Waverly’s knees went weak as she felt Nicole’s tongue swirl around her digit and the way she indulgently sucked with a moan before pulling away with a devilish smile.

“Delicious.”

Waverly felt her cheeks warm and she licked her lips. “Want some more?”

“I do, baby,” Nicole said, pressing her hips into Waverly’s. Reaching back, she got another fingerful of the mixture and looked up at Nicole with big eyes. Nicole’s eyes followed Waverly’s finger as she slowly wiped the mixture on the top of her cleavage that was exposed in her dress. Nicole wasted no time leaning down and licking the sweet cream off of the swell of Waverly’s breasts.

Waverly gripped Nicole’s hair near the base of her skull and was about to jump up on the counter and let Nicole do whatever she wanted to her when-

“God, can’t you two ever get over each other? Making me look bad.”

Nicole pulled back, eyes wide and staring at Waverly as Eliza leaned against the door jamb. Waverly smiled at her over Nicole’s shoulder.

“Eliza,” Waverly smiled, gently guiding Nicole’s body away by her by her hips. 

“What are you doing here, Shapiro?” Nicole asked, pulling away from Waverly and smoothing a hand through her hair like nothing had been happening. 

Shapiro raised an eyebrow at the two of them. “I came to read Waverly’s new manuscript like she asked. And you leave your front door unlocked.”

“I knew that would bite me in the ass some day,” Nicole said, going to the cupboard to get a glass for water. 

“Yeah, sorry to ruin your fun there, Haught,” Shapiro winked at Waverly. “Don’t stop on account of me.”

Waverly gave Shapiro a look and pushed off the counter. “Come on, let me get you my manuscript. Want to stay for some dinner while you’re here?”

“Depends, what did you make?”

“Miracle Whip Yule Log,” Waverly said proudly as she walked out of the kitchen and into her office, Eliza following behind. 

“Yeah, why not,” Shapiro smiled. Waverly took a manila envelope from the top of her desk, thick with her latest manuscript inside. “Plus I like to watch Haught squirm.”

Waverly handed Shapiro the envelope. “Here you go. Let me know what you think.”

“You know I always like it,” Shapiro smiled. “I’m your number one fan.”

“You’ll have to fight Nicole for the spot,” Waverly teased as they headed back to the living room. Nicole was draining her glass and Waverly watched her throat flex. Maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to ask Eliza to stay. Waverly went up to Nicole and smoothed her hands over her chest. “Go hang out with Eliza while I get dinner.”

“Okay,” Nicole mumbled, cheeks flushed. “But after she leaves…”

“I know, baby,” Waverly winked and stepped aside, patting Nicole’s ass. “Now get your cute bottom out there and make some drinks.”

**Frozen Yule Log******

** **1 Can Dole sliced pineapple** **

** **1 cup Miracle Whip** **

** **½ cup honey** **

** **1 cup quartered maraschino cherries** **

** **½ cup slivered almonds, toasted** **

** **2 cups whipping cream, whipped** **

** **Drain pineapple, reserving ¼ cup syrup. Combine Miracle Whip, reserved syrup, cherries, almonds and honey fold in whipped cream. Alternate layers of Miracle Whip mixture and sliced pineapple in a 2lb coffee can. Cover with plastic wrap; freeze. To unmold: run spatula around inside of can, cut bottom from can and leave in, wrap can in warm, wet towel and push bottom to slide out. Springle with additional almonds and garnish with mint.** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll enjoyed another horrifying but hopefully delightful installment to the murderous housewives with horrible taste story.


	3. Spamcakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Variety (and a big red surprise) adds spice to life three days before Christmas.

Waverly bounced on her toes in excitement. It was three days before Christmas, her sister and her family were tucked away in the snug guest cottage adjacent to their home, and Nicole was still asleep, her mussed red hair fanned out and her mouth loose on the pillow. It was so cute!

Quietly, Waverly hurried through her morning routine. It wouldn’t be long before Alice Michelle was screaming into the kitchen for Aunt Nicky to make her pancakes, and Waverly had something super special in mind for them all. She checked the time: six thirty. The man said he’d have the delivery there by seven, and Waverly wanted to be sure she was outside and waiting when it came. Waverly quickly filled the percolator, tapping nervously on the counter until the little glass bubble filled with coffee, steam rising from the lid, then removed the pot and snugged it into a little cozy she’d sewn for it. She placed it on the back of the stove and set out mugs, just in case anyone got to the kitchen before she could help them. Waverly thought for a moment, then poured a coffee for Nicole and snuck back into the bedroom, leaving it on Nicole’s nightstand with the saucer on top to keep it warm. Maybe that would keep her in bed for just a little longer, Waverly thought with a smile. 

She bundled up in her warmest coat and headed outside towards Nicole’s workshop, shutting the front door quietly behind her with a click. And just in time, because here came the big truck down their driveway. Waverly waited, arms crossed over her chest as the delivery man pulled up and parked, swinging down from the cab of his truck with a broad grin. He strode up, clipboard in hand. 

“Mornin’ ma’am. You Waverly Haught?” 

Waverly never got tired of hearing her name, and once again she felt the slight thrill of pleasure she got at her own good luck. After Champ’s passing she hadn’t thought to change her name back, so when Nicole proposed to her she’d taken the opportunity to choose another name altogether. The man at the county recorder's office had smiled sympathetically when she’d explained that both her married and maiden name distressed her over the loss of her husband, so she’d chosen a fresh start with a family name. So what if her family happened to be Nicole, and her tears were tears of joy.

“That’s me!” she chirped.

“Well this here is sure mighty fine. Your husband’s gonna love it! Musta sold an awful lot of eggs to buy this beauty!” The driver winked at Waverly. 

Waverly’s eyes narrowed and her jaw tightened. She was just about to say something about making assumptions, when the driver thrust the clipboard out to her, and she swallowed down her words. It was, after all, the season of goodwill, and Waverly was pretty sure the balance of her versus men in her life who’d paid the price for insolence was solidly in her favor. She signed the delivery slip and straightened up. 

“You can put it right there,” she gestured at the spot behind the building, knowing it wouldn’t be visible from the house. “And be quiet please,” she admonished. “My wife is still asleep and I don’t want her to wake up before you’re done.” Waverly smiled brightly at the driver’s suddenly confused expression. He shook his head, then returned to his truck and started the unloading process. 

By the time Waverly’s gift was unloaded and the driver was seen off with a five dollar tip in hand, it was almost seven thirty, and Waverly’s feet were chilled through the light shoes she’d put on just to come outside. She hurried into her warm house, grateful to see Xavier kneeling on the floor in front of the fireplace, stacking logs on the grate. A cup of coffee sat on the floor by his side. 

“Oh Xavier,” she greeted, peeling off her coat and hanging it up, “thank you so much. I didn’t have time to do that before the truck got here. Is everyone else still sleeping?” 

Xavier nodded, turning to her with a knowing look. “I saw the delivery truck pull in. It’s beautiful, Waverly, she’s going to love it.” 

Waverly pressed her hands together with a squeal. “I am so excited. With her business booming, and everything—”

“Auntie Waves!” screamed Alice Michelle, shoving through the front door and slamming it hard behind her. She plowed into Waverly who knelt down to look into her niece’s excited face. “We slept in the cottage and I used the quilt! It has ponies and cowgirls on it! And Mommy said to tell Aunt Nicky that she wants a mini...a mini…” she looked questioningly at Xavier. 

“A mini bar,” Xavier supplied helpfully, his dark eyes bright with mirth. 

“YEAH. A mini bar like Aunt Nicky made for the cottage. She said she wants one like that. And I’m hungry! And mommy said don’t wake her until there’s bacon.” 

“Take a breath baby girl,” Nicole said from the doorway, where she stood wrapped in a flannel bathrobe, sleepily rubbing at her eyes, the coffee cup Waverly had left for her gripped in her hand. Waverly jumped to her feet with a grin. “Good morning, sunshine!” she trilled, patting Alice Michelle on the head and walking over to land a soft kiss on Nicole’s chin.

“Everyone’s so wide awake and chipper,” Nicole grumped, but Waverly could see the tiny smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. She wrapped her arms around Nicole’s waist. “Morning Xavier,” Nicole said. 

“Morning Nicole,” Xavier replied, prodding some kindling into the start of a small fire. “Shall we get some more coffee, to fortify us for the day ahead?” 

“And breakfast!” Alice Michelle said, eyes wide on Nicole. “Pancakes?” she asked hopefully.

Nicole leaned down and planted a kiss on the crown of Waverly’s head. “Coffee and pancakes sounds great.” She started to move towards the kitchen and Waverly tightened her grip. 

“Actually, I’m going to make us all something special for breakfast, so come get coffee and you guys can sit at the bar while I cook. But,” she pointed a stern finger at Nicole, “no going outside until I say so!” 

“I heard about the last time you didn’t listen to her,” Xavier laughed at Nicole’s wrinkled nose. 

“Never again,” she said dramatically, clutching a hand to her throat. 

Laughing they wandered into the kitchen, settling onto the wooden stools on the opposite side of the counter where Waverly began laying out things for their breakfast. Knowing how much Wynonna loved pancakes, she’d been wanting to try this new recipe since her latest copy of Everywoman’s Magazine had been delivered. She pulled a can of Spam down from the cabinet and her box of Bisquick. Cutting the Spam into thick slices, she placed them into her griddle. In a few moments, the savory odor of frying Spam filled the kitchen, along with the happy chatter of Waverly’s favorite people. 

Waverly’s heart felt fit to bursting as she looked back and forth, from Nicole and Xavier, with Alice seated in Nicole’s lap, a portion of Nicole’s plaid robe wrapped around herself, to the cheery bright paint surrounding the gorgeous cabinets that Nicole had made for them after Waverly pointed to her dream kitchen in a magazine. She flipped the Spam and set about mixing the Bisquick. 

When the meat was sizzling, Waverly poured a hearty spoonful of batter over each slice. The mixture spread around, creating a Spam oasis in the middle of a fluffy cake. She pulled plates down from the cabinet and handed them across the counter, then scooped each cake with a deft movement onto the serving platter. 

Waverly had just poured a cup of coffee, adding a healthy dollop of cream and sugar, when, with her usual impeccable timing, Wynonna dragged herself into the kitchen. Her eyes were still partially closed as she reached blindly over the counter to grab the cup from her sister. 

“Thanks baby girl,” Wynonna groaned. “That truck woke me—oof!” Wide awake now, Wynonna glared at Xavier, then down at his elbow, still prodded into her gut. “What the hell, Xavier!” she seethed. 

Xavier looked pointedly between Waverly and Nicole, and Wynonna’s face morphed into a look of contrition, not failing to notice the way Waverly’s eyes had narrowed at her  _ just so _ . 

“What truck?” Nicole asked innocently. She dropped Alice off her lap and wandered to the ice box. 

Waverly ignored her. “Who wants SPAMCAKES?” she asked, dropping the last cake off her spatula and onto the platter. She raised the platter with a flourish and deposited it in front of her family. Wynonna whooped. 

“Oh damn, baby girl! You put the meat IN the pancakes! This is genius!” 

“I make pigs in blankets all the time,” Xavier said, already rolling his eyes at Wynonna’s smirk. “And here it comes,” he muttered. 

“And I love your pig in my blanket,” she said, forking food onto her plate, “but this is Spam. In a pancake. With a cute name. That’s like the best of every world.” 

“I can’t decide if I should put ketchup or syrup on this,” Nicole said thoughtfully, holding the two containers up. 

Alice Michelle hovered over her plate, already shoveling in pancakes, a tiny copy of her mother. “And when we’re done—” she said.

“Finish chewing, Alice,” Wynonna said through a full mouth.

Alice chewed exaggeratedly, then swallowed. She took a deep breath. “And when we’re done, we can all go see Aunt Nicky’s new truck!”

Silence settled in the kitchen, broken only by the sound of a fork dropping to Waverly’s plate and then clattering to the floor. Alice crammed another large bite of pancake into her mouth, chewing noisily. She looked around. “What?” she said. 

“You are so much like your mother,” Xavier mumbled, forking another bite of Spamcake into his mouth.

Nicole stared at Waverly, eyes shining. “You didn’t.”

“Well I was going to wait until we were all dressed and ready, and decorate it with tinsel and a wreath, but I guess now is as good as any time. And then we’re going to take it into town to see the Christmas lights.” Waverly failed to look exasperated, smiling so broadly her eyes crinkled into squints. 

“The Ford?” Nicole asked haltingly, slowly rising to her feet, her Spamcake forgotten. 

“Red, with the white stripe. And the extra chrome bits. The bench seat with the checkered upholstery. And the man said the new motor is awfully efficient.” Waverly leaned nonchalantly on the counter, ticking off the options she’d ordered on the shiny new Ford F100 she purchased for Nicole’s business after receiving her royalties check for “The Devil Wears Bobby Sox”. The book was proving to be so popular that she’d even had a little cash left over for gold leaf lettering on the truck door, and some special gifts for Wynonna and family. 

Waverly let out a little squeak of surprise when Nicole suddenly grabbed her around the waist and lifted her off the ground with a growl. They spun around the kitchen with Alice dancing around their legs, grabbing at them with sticky fingers. Waverly pressed her palms against Nicole’s check, pecking small kisses over and over on Nicole’s face, whispering to her, “I love you so much, baby...Merry Christmas.” 

After Nicole dropped her to the floor, Waverly interlaced her fingers with Nicole’s and tugged. “C’mon, let’s go check out our new truck.” 

SPAMCAKES:

Make pancake batter (Bisquick or otherwise)

Cut slices of Spam and grill 2-3” apart, flipping to cook through

Spoon batter over cooked Spam slice

Turn and serve: big hungry sized pancakes with Spam in the middle! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This holiday season we hope you take the time to mix your protein of choice with your favorite carbohydrate/starch, no matter how disgusting someone else thinks it sounds.


	4. Banana Christmas Candles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays to everyone! Lucky and I decided to bring ya'll some Christmas smut for the holidays. So...don't read this around family. Or do. If that's your thing.

_“Daddy Saddle”_

Nicole blinked, not entirely sure what she was looking at with sleep blurring her vision. She rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hands and rolled a little more onto her back. 

“Waves, what is that?” Her voice was thick with sleep but her body lit up a little as she felt the bed dip followed by the weight of Waverly straddling her hips.

Opening her eyes again, Nicole glanced at the clock. 

“Why are you waking me up at five in the morning?”

As she went to look back up at Waverly, a pair of soft lips covered her own. She sighed, the box between them poking her uncomfortably in the ribs. Nicole gently pushed back on Waverly’s shoulder and looked back down at the box. On the front was a drawing of a boy riding a man like a horse, a sketched saddle big on the front.

“What is this?”

“I’m not giving this to Alice anymore,” Waverly said, voice a little manic. “She doesn’t need it.”

“She asked for it,” Nicole said, throwing her arm over her eyes as she adjusted herself on the bed. “I told you I’d wrap the last minute stuff in the morning.”

“It is the morning,” Waverly said, tugging at Nicole’s arm. “Come on. Help me.”

“There’s no way Alice is going to be up for at least another two hours,” Nicole whispered, moving her arm so she could look at her wife. Waverly was still in her pajamas, a simple lacy nightgown that she had thrown a thick red flannel robe over, front tied only loosely. “Come back to bed.”

“I want everything wrapped and ready before they’re awake,” Waverly said.

“They will be,” Nicole plucked the box from Waverly’s fingers and looked at it. “We’re giving this to her. We already bought it.”

“I’ll return it-”

“Waverly-”

“She doesn’t need this when we’re getting her a _real_ pony,” Waverly said, taking the box back. 

Nicole sighed and took the box again, depositing it on the side of the bed. Looking back up at Waverly, she managed a sleepy smile. “Fine, we won’t give it to her. But will you come back to bed?”

“There’s too much to do-”

“No, there’s not,” Nicole said, hands on Waverly’s knees. She ran them up her exposed thighs, squeezing the firm flesh with a sigh. The movement pushed Waverly’s nightgown up high on her thigh as she settled more into Nicole’s lap. “I’ll tell you what. One more hour in bed and then we’ll both get up and get everything ready. Okay?”

“Baby,” Waverly whined as Nicole’s hands made their way to the tie of her robe. She tugged, the loose fabric falling free and opening so that Nicole could slide her hands inside to grab Waverly’s hips. 

“We’ll sleep in tomorrow. It’s not even Christmas yet,” Nicole reminded her. “It’s Christmas Eve. It’s a day of relaxation before the craziness.” Nicole sat up, pulling Waverly’s hips more flush against her, and started kissing along her exposed collarbone.

“I just want to finish the wrapping today,” Waverly whispered, even as Nicole felt her start to melt in her hands. Nicole kissed up her throat and nipped at her jawline. Waverly’s head tipped back with a sigh and Nicole pulled her hips down to grind against her own.

“I know, baby,” Nicole said, tongue pulling Waverly’s earlobe between her teeth. Waverly let out a harsh breath that tickled Nicole’s neck, her hips subtly moving against her. Nicole could already feel the heat radiating from between her thighs and groaned. She dug her heels into the mattress and pushed herself back so that she was resting against the headboard and she could press up into Waverly. 

With a gasp, Waverly fell forward, her chest pressed against Nicole’s. Her hands gripped Nicole’s forearms tightly as she buried her face in Nicole’s neck, hot little pants falling from her lips and tickling the sensitive skin. Waverly’s knees tightened against Nicole’s hips as her hips moved against Nicole. 

Blunt nails dug into Nicole’s arms as Waverly’s movements grew more frantic. Waverly ran her lips over Nicole’s neck and sucked on her pulsepoint as she ground particularly hard down into her. Nicole moaned at just the feeling of Waverly moving against her, taking her pleasure. One look down between their bodies and the damp spot on the front of Nicole’s red flannel pajamas told her Waverly had forgone underwear.

“Fuck,” Nicole breathed, pushing up into Waverly as she smashed her wet sex into her crotch. “That’s it, baby.”

There was a hitch in Waverly’s breathing and small, strong hands moved up Nicole’s biceps so she could wrap her arms around her neck. One hand tangled in her hair as she brought them impossibly close, hips speeding up. 

Nicole turned her head to capture Waverly’s lips, mouths open and tongues searching as they panted into each other’s mouths. Nicole moved her hands from Waverly’s hips just to pull the thin straps of her nightgown down her arms. The fabric of her nightgown loosened around the top, falling down her breasts with Waverly’s movements. Waverly bucked particularly hard against Nicole’s hips and she could tell she was close. Nicole pulled back to watch, Waverly’s breasts popping free from the top of her nightgown as the straps and the top of the robe fell to her forearms.

“Nicky,” Waverly gasped, pulling Nicole’s head to her chest. 

Nicole wasted no time in taking a stiff nipple between her lips, tongue lavishing the sensitive flesh with attention before moving on to the other one, and enjoying the gutteral noises coming from Waverly’s throat. Waverly tugged at Nicole’s hair, pulling her away from her breasts. She took a moment to look proudly at Waverly’s breasts, nipples straining in the early morning air and shiny with her spit, before Waverly kissed her deeply. Sound spilled into Nicole’s mouth as Waverly came with a particularly throaty moan.

Hands back on Waverly’s hips, she kept her in place as her hips jerked and hands clawed at her scalp and back.

Waverly pulled away, chest heaving as she collapsed into Nicole’s arms.

“Baby, you’re so sexy,” Nicole said, peppering kisses along Waverly’s shoulder, the skin damp with sweat. “I’m so lucky.”

Nicole slipped a hand between them and roughly cupped Waverly’s still quivering sex. She gasped, back arching into Nicole at the sensation.

“Shut up and fuck me,” Waverly said before sucking Nicole’s bottom lip into her mouth. That’s all Nicole needed before she slipped two fingers easily into Waverly’s dripping entrance. Waverly’s walls instantly squeezed her fingers and Nicole felt dizzy with arousal. 

Nicole waited for Waverly to set the pace, watching how hazel eyes fluttered shut and a look of euphoria came over her face as she fucked herself on Nicole’s fingers. She could watch this forever. 

Since they’d been together, Nicole had memorized every way Waverly came. Each one more beautiful than the last. She could read and re-read Waverly like a favorite book, every furrow of her brow and the way she’d sometimes smile lightly just as pleasure overtook her. Those came when they were going slow and taking their time. When their bodies were pressed completely together and kisses thick with need. Light playful lips just barely tasting each other as she came with a gasp and sometimes a giggle and Nicole felt herself fall deeper.

Waking up with Waverly was like falling in love over and over again. As soon as she opened her eyes and saw Waverly, even if her hair was a mess and she was drooling on a pillow, her heart would squeeze in her chest like she was dying. Maybe someday that feeling would go away, but for now, Nicole couldn’t imagine being without it. 

Waverly’s hand gripped at the front of Nicole’s white t-shirt, hips rolling down into her. One hand still on Waverly’s hip to steady her, Nicole found their rhythm and moved with Waverly, making sure that her thumb kept circling her clit in time with her thrusts.

Nicole tilted her chin up and captured Waverly’s lips as she heard her breathing become erratic. She could feel Waverly’s heart beating wildly against her chest from where they were pressed together and doubled her efforts. With a gasp and a loud moan, Waverly contracted around Nicole’s fingers. Her come flooded Nicole’s palm and Waverly shuddered, body stiffening for a moment before she collapsed against Nicole’s chest. She wrapped her arm around Waverly’s back to keep her tight against her, pressing soft kisses along her shoulder and the side of her neck as they both caught their breath.

“That’s it, baby,” Nicole cooed, nuzzling her nose into Waverly’s soft hair. 

Waverly hummed, slowly coming back to the present and placing hot open mouthed kisses on Nicole’s neck. “I guess you’re right, wrapping can wait,” she whispered with a smile. Nicole hummed and pulled her hand from between Waverly’s legs, wiping her fingers on her pajama pants.

“Damn straight, baby,” Nicole said, eyes landing on Waverly’s still exposed breasts as she grabbed a handful of her ass.

“How much more time do you think we have until Wynonna starts yelling?” Waverly whispered, eager hands already pushing Nicole’s shirt over her head.

“Let’s find out,” Nicole said, throwing her shirt to the side. She quickly flipped them, Waverly landing on her back on the mattress. Nicole playfully tickled her ribs and Waverly squealed, squirming a little under her hands before she pulled their lips together again.

***

Wynonna narrowed her eyes at Nicole from across the table, and she just stared back at her. Nicole slowly arched an eyebrow at the other woman, taking another bite of her spamcakes, Alice’s new favorite breakfast food.

“What?” Nicole asked.

“I heard what you were doing to my baby sister this morning,” Wynonna hissed through a mouthful of half eaten spamcakes.

“Mama, you can’t talk with your mouth full,” Alice said, not even looking up from her plate.

“Good girl, Alice,” Xavier said.

Wynonna made a show of swallowing her food and tried again. “I _heard_ you two this morning.”

Waverly dropped something in the kitchen with a clang and Nicole just shrugged.

“We were just wrapping.”

“I’d like to know what the fuck kind of wrapping you were doing that made you two moan that way,” Wynonna said. “Listen, I get it, you’re adults and apparently into bragging. But children are present.”

“I’m sorry, Wynonna,” Waverly said, coming to the table and kissing the side of Wynonna’s head, and dropping another spamcake on her plate.

“Sure you are,” Wynonna mumbled even as she dug into her fresh food.

“Sit down, baby,” Nicole said, catching Waverly around her hip and pulling her into her lap with a smile. Waverly giggled and set the plate of cakes on the table. “I’ll take care of the dishes. Eat breakfast.”

Waverly smiled and leaned over to kiss Nicole.

“I get it. You’re happy,” Wynonna said flatly before quickly changing the subject. “You’re both leaving us tonight to be fancy?”

“Only for a little bit,” Waverly said. She got off of Nicole’s lap and took her own seat.

“And it’s just a client’s party,” Nicole shrugged.

“It’s not just a client, it’s Katharine Hepburn,” Wynonna pointed out. “Like what the fuck.”

“We’ll only be gone a few hours,” Waverly said before turning to Nicole. “Should I make something to bring?”

“Um, yeah I guess,” Nicole said. “She said we could. Doesn’t mean we have to.”

“It means we _should_,” Waverly said. “I have a new recipe I want to try out. Then I can say Katharine Hepburn has tried my cooking.”

“Well while you two are out rubbing elbows with Hollywood stars, we’ll be at the movies watching them,” Wynonna said. “The movies with a _child_. So who is the real winner here?”

“Definitely you,” Nicole said with a smile. 

“I have too much to do,” Waverly said, voice high in excitement as she got up from the table and headed back into the kitchen. There was some shuffling for a moment before she poked her head out to look at them again. Her voice came sickly saccharin. “Sweetie?”

“Yes?” Nicole said, smiling up at her wife.

“I’m going to need you to pick up some mayonnaise as soon as you’re done there.”

***

Nicole got out of her truck, running her fingers over the bright red paint of the hood as she walked over to Waverly’s side of the car and opened the door. The Ford, though new, definitely stood out among the expensive cars that lined the long driveway of the hillside home. Nicole opened the passenger door for Waverly and she slid out with a smile, smoothing out her red party dress.

“Thanks, handsome,” Waverly said, kissing the corner of Nicole’s mouth before turning around and getting the plate of what looked like some kind of pornographic display off the seat where it had been sitting next to her. 

“Baby, are you sure about...those?” Nicole said with a tilt of her head.

Waverly looked down at her platter of carefully set up snacks. Flat pieces of iceberg lettuce covered the bottom of the platter, and on top of that was the main course. Red, cranberry flavored gelatin stars served as the base for half of a banana thrusting out of it, stuck there with a generous dollop of mayo. On top of the banana was drizzled more mayo that dripped down the shaft of the fruit like some perverted sculpture. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Waverly asked innocently. Almost...too innocently. “Wynonna said she liked them. And they really don’t look _that_ bad.”

“Wynonna made about a thousand rude gestures with them before she even tried it,” Nicole said as she looked down at the carefully balanced peanuts on the top of the banana, that was supposed to look like some kind of wick. She shook her head and smiled. “You’re right. Ready?”

“More than,” Waverly said.

Nicole put her hand on the small of Waverly’s back and followed her towards the house. It was a Spanish style home, white brick stark against the red clay tiles of the roof. There were tasteful Christmas lights decorating the edge of the roof and a tree visible in a window from the outside. 

This wouldn’t be the first time that Nicole had interacted with celebrities, but she couldn’t help but feel a little anxious every time. To have gone from a factory worker in the war to shoved in jail for crimes she didn’t necessarily commit to this felt odd.

As they stepped into the house, it opened up to a living room that was backed by a curved wall that was mostly taken up by a window. Through the window you could see people sitting around an outdoor fireplace built into the side of the house. 

The first thing Nicole noticed was that the house was fairly full, and all of the guests were beautiful and stylish women. They were all standing around chatting, some in elegant holiday dresses and others in trousers with short cut masculine hair. The diversity of the crowd was something Nicole hadn’t seen since her days of going to underground women’s clubs. 

Nicole and Waverly just sort of stood in shock as they took in the sights of all the people milling about, with the plate of banana dicks forgotten in front of them. They might have stood there even longer if Eliza didn’t come out of nowhere, martini glass in her hand and arms stretched wide.

“Oh thank god, my favorites are here,” Eliza said as she enveloped them in a sort of wide double hug. As she pulled back, Eliza did a double take to look down at the plate in Waverly’s hand. She pointed at it and looked back up at them. “These are dicks.”

Nicole snorted and Waverly elbowed her in the ribs. “They’re _Christmas Candles_.”

“No, they’re cocks,” Eliza said, pointing at some of the white mess dribbling down the side. “That’s come.”

Waverly rolled her eyes and stomped her foot a little. “I know, okay? They look like boners. Now take me to where I can set these down so Katharine Hepburn doesn’t see me standing here with a plate of dicks.”

“Leave it to you to bring a dick to a lesbian party,” Eliza chuckled.

She turned around and gestured over her shoulder for them to follow as she expertly maneuvered her way through the party. It felt like Eliza knew every other person at the party, stopping to squeeze shoulders or give a quick peck on the cheek to people as they passed. Naturally, all eyes landed on Waverly and Nicole as they passed, hungrily taking in the fresh blood.

They finally got to the kitchen where there was an impressive spread of food laid out. Waverly quickly dropped the platter in an empty place on the counter before anyone could give them a second look. Nicole smiled in relief as Eliza shook her head at them.

“Never a dull moment with you two, huh?” Eliza said affectionately.

“Hey, Toots!” came a loud booming voice of a man from another room. 

Eliza visibly cringed and quickly looped her arms though theirs, turning them around to walk out the other direction.

“Duke Linderman, Executive over at Paramount,” Eliza said, glancing over her shoulder before they ducked into another crowded room. “He’s the absolute _worst_. I swear.”

“Why is he even here?” Nicole frowned, feeling herself go into protective mode.

“He kind of follows me around,” Eliza admitted, eyes casting down for a moment as she slipped behind a bar and began mixing herself another drink. “He’s basically blackmailing me and a bunch of other gals so that he can get into all of these parties. Just so he can grab asses and make moves on girls. Watch your drinks.”

Eliza mixed them all martinis, plopping olives into them and sliding them over the bar. 

“Are you serious?” Nicole asked as she took her drink.

“Yeah,” Eliza said with a shiver. “I swear to god, if he slaps my ass again.”

She just trailed off and Nicole and Waverly looked at each other.

Eliza shook herself out of her thoughts and put on her smile again. “Come on. You want a tour of the house?”

She showed them around the expansive house, ending with the backyard that had an Olympic sized pool. She introduced them to a few of the other girls there, most of them actresses or models of some sort. They hadn’t gotten a glance at Katharine yet but Nicole was sure there was still time. Even if after one loop around the party with Eliza she was already feeling exhausted.

“Everyone’s really nice,” Waverly said, slipping her hand into Nicole’s and lacing their fingers together. They usually left displays of attention for home, but they had passed two women making out in a corner, so Nicole wasn’t too worried about how anything might look.

“Yeah it’s a good crowd,” Eliza said, pulling out a cigarette packet and offering one to them. They both declined and Eliza continued to light hers. 

“Do you two want fresh drinks?” Waverly said, looking over Nicole’s shoulder towards the bar cart. “I’m going to go make some. Plus I...think I saw Katharine over there.”

Nicole chuckled and kissed the top of Waverly’s head. “Thanks, baby. As long as I still have a wife after you talk to Katharine.”

Waverly smiled, eyes crinkling to half moons. “She doesn’t stand a chance.”

With a playful slap on the ass, Nicole sent Waverly off to the bar. As soon as Nicole turned back to Eliza, she grabbed her arm and was dragging her off towards the back porch. 

“You have got to help me,” Eliza said, eyes desperate. Nicole’s brow furrowed in concern and she turned to fully face her. 

“What is it?”

“Duke is _awful_,” Eliza said, lifting her martini to her lips with a slightly shaky hand. “All he does is _grab_ me. And the other night he followed me home and was banging on my door for two hours. Drunk.”

Nicole stiffened a little. “You need to tell someone-”

“I can’t! He’ll know it was me and he’ll blacklist me,” Eliza said. I’ll never work again.”

“What exactly do you do?” Nicole asked.

“Doesn’t matter,” Eliza said, looking over her shoulder for any sign of the man again. “I just need help.”

“Eliza, I would love to help But...What do you want me to do?” Nicole said.

Eliza shifted a little bit and she looked around them for a moment. “I mean...maybe the…_book club special_. If you know what I mean.” She drew a finger across her throat and Nicole’s heart jumped in her chest. 

“Are you asking me to _kill him_?” Nicole hissed.

“No!” Eliza thought and rolled her eyes. “Okay, yes. But he’s a horrible person!”

“Might I remind you that I never actively killed anyone,” Nicole pointed out, head swimming. “I never killed anyone _period_.”

“Yeah but you helped.”

“I’m not doing this, Eliza,” Nicole said. 

“He’s awful-”

“I can’t!”

As if on cue, a large portly man wandered onto the back porch. He had a half smoked cigar hanging from his lips, corners of his mouth shining with spit. He was wearing an expensive suit, buttons of his vest straining to stay closed over his round belly. As soon as he laid eyes on Eliza, his face lit up and he lumbered towards them.

“Ugh, great,” Eliza said, taking a long drag of her cigarette.

“Hey, sweet cheeks,” Duke slurred, meaty hand coming down and slapping Eliza’s ass. She jumped and put her hand over the top of her drink as she turned a little away from him. Nicole’s stomach turned just at the sight of the man and the way he was looking at Eliza. Nicole could always read people pretty well, and he wasn’t a good guy. She clenched a fist at her side as she watched them carefully.

“I’m not in the mood, Duke,” Eliza mumbled. 

He frowned. “What was that?”

“She’s not feeling well,” Nicole blurted, jaw clenched. “Cramps.”

Duke mumbled something and turned his back on Nicole, leaning his face close to Eliza. “I was just on my way to my car. Wanted to see if Sweet Cheeks here wanted to join me.”

“Maybe later,” Eliza forced a smile and he continued his lumbering gait towards his car. Nicole squinted to get a better look at his car. A shiny new white MGA Roadster, chrome shiny and bright. She watched him as he got into the car, shoving his large body into the tiny seat. He leaned over, fingers heavy with gold rings rooting for something in the glove compartment.

Nicole licked her lips and rolled her shoulders. She was sure she would regret this later. She tilted her chin towards his car and slipped her arm over Eliza’s shoulder, leaning her head in close.

“That’s a MGA Roadster. Brand new, speedy little things. I always thought Waverly would look cute in one,” Nicole said taking a reflective swig of her drink. “But the one thing I don’t like is that the brake line runs along the edge of the frame. Easy to see. Easy to knick.”

She looked hard at Eliza as she talked, waiting for the realization to cross over her face. When it did, Nicole nodded and squeezed her shoulder. “I’m going to go find my wife.”

Before Nicole could completely turn away, Eliza wrapped her in a quick hug and planted a kiss on her cheek. “I knew I liked ya, kid.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nicole said, gently pushing Eliza away and heading back inside. She looked around for a moment and saw Waverly talking to another woman near the bar. Nicole smiled when she saw it was Katharine Hepburn and just watched from the opposite side of the room, sipping her drink.

After only a couple more minutes, Waverly said her goodbyes and turned away from the actress. Nicole caught her eye and she came bounding over with a proud smile on her face.

“I talked to Katharine Hepburn,” Waverly squealed, bringing her fists up to her face in excitement. “She was so nice. I told her I was your wife and she raved about your furniture, baby.”

“Oh, I’m glad,” Nicole said, with an easy nod.

“Shouldn’t you be more excited? Katharine Hepburn likes your work!”

“Well I would hope so, she ordered another room full of it.”

“My talented baby,” Waverly cooed, looping her arm around Nicole’s shoulders and kissing her cheek. “My best talented baby.”

Nicole ducked her head in a blush and leaned down to press her forehead to Waverly’s. “How much did you have to drink?”

“Katharine poured me something strong,” Waverly said, leaning a little more into Nicole’s side. She looked up to see Duke walking back in the house, rubbing his nose with his finger as he sniffled. Nicole couldn’t help how her lip curled up in disgust just at the sight of him.

“How ‘bout we say our goodbyes and then let’s get you home, Waves,” Nicole whispered against her head.

“Okay,” Waverly agreed easily, curling herself more into Nicole’s side.

She took her back to the truck and helped her get it. As she closed the passenger door, Eliza came out of the house, looking up and down the driveway.

“I’ll see you later,” Eliza said, clearly distracted. “Happy Christmas.”

“You too,” Nicole smiled, reaching out to squeeze Eliza’s shoulder. “Stay safe.”

Eliza gave her a curt nod and a smile. “I will.”

She winked and with that, Nicole slid behind the wheel and drove Waverly back home to Malibu.

***

“Auntie Waverly! Aunt Nicole!” Alice screamed as she ran into the bedroom and jumped on their bed. Nicole awoke as the air was knocked out of her, Alice landing full force on her stomach.

“Oh god,” she wheezed as Waverly stirred next to her. Alice put two chubby little hands on Nicole’s cheeks and she squished them together.

“Aunt Nicole, it’s Christmas!”

“Okay okay,” Nicole said, turning so the little girl rolled off of her and onto the bed in between them. “Give us one second-”

“Aunt Waverly!” 

Alice quickly crawled onto Waverly and she began to stir.

“It’s Christmas!”

Waverly groaned, blindly reaching for Alice and patting her head. “It is, isn’t it. Go get your mom up.”

“Okay!” Alice jumped off the bed and ran back into the backyard to the guest cottage. Nicole chuckled when she heard Wynonna scream even from outside.

“Mornin’,” Nicole said, pulling Waverly against her and kissing the side of her head sleepily. “Let’s get up. I don’t want to keep this pony a secret any longer. It’s a miracle it lasted this long.”

Waverly mumbled and rolled back on her side. After a little more coercing, Nicole managed to get Waverly out of bed. They brushed their teeth and ran quick hands through their hair but stayed in their pajamas as they dragged themselves out to the living room. Xavier was already making breakfast, Alice sitting at the table with feet swinging. 

They managed to keep Alice calm enough to eat breakfast before she vibrated out of her seat with excitement. Then they opened up all the presents under the tree first, Nicole finding a moment to slip out towards the end. She went back to the small barn at the back of their property where a black pony with a thick blanket on his back waited patiently. Waverly’d thought Nicole was crazy at first, but she couldn’t argue when she found a pony at a local animal sanctuary that needed a home. Nicole pinned a Santa hat to its mane just as she heard the chatter of everyone coming into the backyard.

Nicole rushed back out of the barn and smiled at them as they approached her. Alice’s face was red with excitement and Nicole held out her hand for her. 

“Come on, little girl, let me show you what Auntie Waverly and I got you for Christmas,” she said with a small wink.

“Always tryna show us up,” Wynonna muttered. Nicole just rolled her eyes and led Alice to the barn. She knew Wynonna didn’t mean it; she was more than happy that Alice could have a pony and she didn’t have to look after it.

“Close your eyes,” Nicole said, and Alice instantly clapped a hand over her eyes. She stood her in front of the barn where the pony’s head could barely be seen over the door. “Alright, open.”

Alice ripped her own hand away and gasped in shock. “Is that a pony?”

“Sure is-”

“Thank you thank you thank you _thank you_,” Alice was on the verge of excited tears as she went around and gave everyone a firm hug, even if her eyes never left the pony.

Alice squealed and ran up to the pony who looked unaffected, chewing on some hay. “My own pony! She’s gonna go to school with me and take baths with me and-”

“Slow down there, cowgirl,” Wynonna chuckled, picking Alice up to get a better look at the horse over the door. “Let’s take it for a spin before we decide if we like it or not, huh?”

“Yeah, let me show you how to saddle a pony,” Nicole said, already excited to teach her the basics. “Just go get dressed.”

Alice was off like a shot towards the house and Xavier chuckled. “I’ll go help her.

“Thanks, Haughtsauce,” Wynonna said, knocking Nicole’s hip a little with her own. “I owe you two.”

“Nah, we’re happy to do it,” Nicole said as Waverly slipped under her arm to hold her.

“I’m just happy we can all have Christmas together,” Waverly sighed, looking up at Nicole. “My three favorites and my beautiful wife.”

“Cheesy,” Nicole teased, leaning down and kissing her lightly.

“I keep thinking you two will get less disgusting, but I’m wrong every time,” Wynonna said before tilting her head. “Hey, Waves, you have anymore of those jizzy dicks you made yesterday? I’m hungry.”

Christmas Candles

1 1/2 envelopes ( 1 1/2 tablespoons) unflavored gelatin

1/3 cup cold water

2 cups canned cranberry juice cocktail

4 ripe bananas

8 salted almonds

Mayonnaise

Salad greens

Soften gelatin in cold water. Heat cranberry cocktail to boiling; add to gelatin and stir to dissolve gelatin. Pour into 8 small, star-shaped molds. Chill until firm; unmold. Cut out and remove a small circle from center of each star the same diameter as the bananas. Peel bananas; cut in halves, crosswise. Insert 1/2 banana in center of each of each star as shown. Top each “candle” with a salted almond for a “flame”. Add a little mayonnaise to look like melted wax. Serve on salad greens with mayonnaise. Makes 8 servings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays again everyone! Hope you enjoyed this little journey back into the lives of murderous housewives again.

**Author's Note:**

> The holidays are upon us and we couldn't help but time travel back to the 50's to enjoy and share with you all some of the finest recipes of the time. So cuddle up in your favorite lounge chair with the warm beverage of your choice and put on a nice record. It's Christmas in Malibu, the liquor cart is stocked, and the pantry is full of questionable ingredients. 
> 
> With Love, Boots and Lucky


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